YOU MAY BE A PARAMEDIC IF........

·          You not only have PARAMEDIC plates on your car but also have three red lights on the dash.

·          You have a bumper sticker that says "I stop for all auto accidents."

·          You have a license plate holder that says "My other car is an ambulance."

·          Your personal vehicle has ever been mistaken for an ambulance chase car.

·          Your neighbours called the cops because you left the scanner on in your car and they're tired of hearing every call being dispatched.

·          Your scanner has 100 channels and you have managed to fill every one of them.

·          You have more tools on your belt than an electrician.

·          Every time you walk you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.

·          You have more than five patches on your Paramedic uniform.

·          You get rear-ended in an auto accident and the accident scene looks like an ER exploded from your first aid kit in the trunk.

·          You get rear-ended in an auto accident and the accident looks like a medical supply store exploded.

·          You have more T-shirts that say "I love EMS" or "Aircare Medical Evac" than plain T-shirts.

·          You have underwear with little "stars of life" on it.

·          Half of your wardrobe has blood stains on it.

·          You have a "Star of Life" tattooed somewhere on your body.

·          Not only does your watch tell the time but it has a pulse timer that will count in 5, 10, 15, 30 and 60 second intervals and will take your blood pressure.

·          You pull out your pocket knife and it has more gadgets on it than 007's.

·          You carry a teddy bear on the unit for when you get paediatric calls.

·          You've ever told a patient to "get off your ass and walk to the unit."

·          You have ever shown pictures from auto accidents like other people show vacation pictures.

·          You have a sticker anywhere on your car that says either "Emergency Medical Technician" or "Paramedic."

·          You've ever referred to women paramedics as "Band-Aid Bunnies."

·          You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is giving you than he can.

·          You've ever thought a blood pressure cuff would be an excellent gift for Christmas.

·          You've ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment.

·          You think those blue BDU pants with the EMS pocket are okay to wear out on a date.

·          You've ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw-up.

·          Your family stopped talking to you because every time you open your mouth it sounds like a recital from a medical dictionary.

·          You write a patient report and have to translate it to your officer because of all the acronyms in it.

·          You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you joined the Rescue Squad.

·          You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation.

·          Nobody will ride in your car with you because they say you drive like you're going to a Priority 1 call.

·          You have a special pair of driving gloves and glasses for when you are in the ambulance.

·          You've ever run out of church because your monitor went off.

·          You run out of a restaurant for a call and come back afterwards to find that they not only saved your food for you but also rewarmed it when they saw you pull up out front.

·          You've ever tried to write off on your taxes the mileage spent going back and forth to the department.

·          You've ever tried to write off all those T-shirts with EMS logos as business clothes on your taxes.

·          Nobody knows what colour your hair is because you refuse to take off your "________ Rescue Squad" hat.

·          You've ever forgotten your wedding anniversary because you had duty that night.

·          You've ever told a fast food place that you want your food "For here, to go" in case you get a call.

·          You look in your closet and can't find anything non-EMS to wear.

·          Your alarm clock's alarm sounds like the station tones for Station 51.

·          You have never missed an episode of RESCUE 911, ER, or COPS.

·          You've been looking everywhere for old copies of EMERGENCY.

·          You've ever had to call an ambulance to pick up one of your members at a Squad function.

·          You've ever wondered whether it would be legal to keep a defibrillator in the trunk of your car.

·          You've ever raised your hands to heaven and said "These hands have been touched by God."

·          Every magazine in your house has the word EMS in the title.

·          GALLS sends you a Christmas card.

·          JEMS sends you a birthday card.

·          "Trawling for Trauma" is your favourite saying.

·          You've ever referred to a code as a "GOOD CALL."

·          The cops have ever shown up at the Rescue Squad looking for you because your mother/spouse hasn't seen you in a month.

·          You get more Paramedic e-mail over the Internet than you get regular mail.

·          You have a 3-pound belt buckle with the picture of an ambulance or "Star of Life" on it.

·          You've ever told anyone in pain to "stop being a baby and deal with it."

·          You've ever told a patient to "stop faking it."

·          Your squad painted your name under the driver's side window on the ambulance.

·          You carry more gloves on you than a proctologist does.

·          Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you.

·          Your back pocket bulges all the time because of the guidelines book you keep in it.

·          The Squad raids the trunk of your car once a month looking for EMS supplies.

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